The rock

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One of my biggest fears as a parent is making mistakes. I fear that my mistakes will make me a failure as a parent. I fear that Daniel will face the consequences of my bad choices. I fear that he will pick up on my insecurities, and adopt them.

He is barely 17 months old, and I'm already addressing doubts in my mind as in "what if, such and such happens or what if I had done something differently". I look at the world around me, and sometimes shudder at how all of that would affect his spirit and soul.

Our prayer for him is that, he should be a pillar of truth and integrity. That, he should cling to God, no matter what the situation or circumstance. Most importantly, our prayer is that he should know God at a young age.

As far as my abilities as a parent, I can already see so much about me that needs to change, before I can even influence him in any positive way. I hope that I'll have the honesty to admit my failures, and still encourage him to not make the same mistakes. I hope that I'll have the desire to change and to lead by example. I hope that I'll give myself permission to make mistakes, that I accept my human-ness, and always depend on God more and more.

My child is a delight, and a blessing. I'm grateful for his precious life, and his cuddly, affectionate ways. I can breathe a sigh of relief, because I'm not in control of things. My God is. And, because my God is extraordinary, I can sleep in peace, because my God never lets go.

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalms 18:2)

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