Random musings

Writing for me, was a way to sort out my muddled thoughts. I, sometimes look at women who articulate their thoughts beautifully, speak coherent sentences and express their faith in tangible terms. And wonder, maybe someday I'll get there. Right now, my thoughts are a tangled mess. I'm definitely awkward and painfully shy, when it comes to expressing myself. And when people form opinions based on what I project, it makes me feel worse about myself. Speaking of insecurities, some people have a truckload of them. As I'm learning to lean more on God for my insecurities, I'm also learning that self consciousness is a form of pride. Why does it matter what people think of me? Wouldn't I rather rest in the knowledge that God has already accepted me and loves me regardless of what I project? Most people don't think of me, they have better things to do. They think about themselves. I put some unsuspecting woman on a pedestal, just as someone else does f...

Maybe, it is part of our genetic makeup to want to be liked. We want to be accepted, to be desired, cherished and loved. We look for acceptance from people. Sometimes, we put on our best behavior, a fake smile, tidy up our insecurities, put on masks and act nice. What if all the veneer was blown away? Would we be accepted or liked? Most likely, not.  Reminds me of my husband, who most of the time, talks about all the ways he has gone wrong. People get a chuckle out of it. Some use it as an opportunity to slam him and be derogatory. That's the best we as a society, do for people who are vulnerable, real or honest. Isn't it then understandable why we spend all our lives acting out our parts? Isn't it ironic, that the closer we are to understanding our sinfulness, the better we can grasp the extent of God's grace? Why would a God who is all perfect, accept someone as wretched? Why would He treat us as heirs and love us so dearly? Why would He accept someone w...