Significance

As a stay at home mother, I struggle with significance. 

Loving and praying for my husband and parenting my children aren't markers of a huge crusade ministry. As I clean the kitchen, make beds, clean dishes, change diapers and stare at my pileloads of laundry, I'm reminded of the lessons of obscurity. 

I don't feel sorry for myself. But, I wonder if this is God's purpose and plan for my life. 

I'm also reminded that maybe my husband and children would walk away from everything I do because it wouldn't mean as much to them. I also question how my mind and heart disengages from my family from time to time, and I go into my autopilot mode. Surely, the kids don't benefit from a disengaged parent and my husband doesn't benefit from a "just-there" wife.

My husband has always known and loved working with children, at church in Sunday school. It is easy to look at him and know that it is his calling, and it is where he is truly the happiest. 

I'm not sure if there is something like that for me. Like most people, I also struggle with the sense of feeling useful or adding value . 

I'm reminded that I need to serve, and surely, God has a grandiose plan for me. I read the parable in the Bible of a man who had talents and stored it away, and question if I'm that man. 

I also look at the church and see so many people feel insecure and small about their roles, who rush into doing something which clearly is not God's intended purpose for them. I see people who get jealous and angry about someone else's popularity, all because they do not work with what God has blessed them with. 

Significance. Maybe, it is the other word for pride.
God, give me a heart to feel useful where you have placed me. To know that I should not overlook my primary calling - my husband, my children, my extended family.
To learn to be faithful in the unseen things.
Help me stay close to you. To learn to abide in you, Jesus. The heart that walks away from you doesn't ever experience the joy of serving or knowing you. It is like going from task to task with the same sense of emptiness. Help me experience your joy.


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