The grace I need

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Those days are far too easy to ignore. I could pretend that I didn't feel the tightening of my muscles in anger. That, my blood doesn't boil with frustration at those random day to day things. 

I find myself having to repeat the same things to the kids. But, they tune me out.

I can push guilt and conviction under a pretty rug. So, that is what I do. I don't want to take the time to deal with myself or anyone. I don't want my pride crushed and I don't want to be humbled again. I want to be a mom and a wife that has it all figured out. That doesn't need to work hard to be awesome. 

I want to ignore the help and grace that can change me. I want to do it on my own. And, then I break. I can only run for so long. 

My son's deep black eyes look at me and tell me - "It's okay, Mommy. You are having a bad day". And, then he tells his Daddy that he is cleaning the bath tub, so Mommy doesn't have to do it.

And, after losing my temper with Naomi again, instead of being upset, she tells me, "Naomi being a bad girl. She doesn't eat good food. Are you okay, Mommy?".

Yeah, there are times I wish I could hide. Humbled, once again - from the mouth of babes.

Only God's grace can grab hold of an ugly heart and make something beautiful out of it. I want to be a woman that grabs hold of grace, not perfection.

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