Comfort zone

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I find myself stuck in my ways. I do not accept or like change. I have my own self-imposed boundaries, which does not really accomplish anything significant in my life. It is just like a defense mechanism of keeping myself safe - maybe from judgement, negativity or feeling exposed. 

Lately, I find that God is slowly pushing me out of my comfort zone. It started when we joined a new church. For some reason, I felt compelled to join the kids ministry. No sooner had I stepped inside the 4-year old kids room, I knew that I had taken on something that was too big for my boots. 

I had my doubts whether I would be able to engage these 4 year old kids and interact with adults that I was meeting for the first time. I did not have the cheery/bubbly personality that most of the adults in the room seemed to have. 

Slowly, but surely God was teaching me to not make everything about myself. When I learned to let go of my inhibitions, I found that these kids didn't care what I thought of myself. 

I would find myself gravitating towards kids that looked "lost" (maybe, because I felt that way too). These kids would stick with me right from the start to the finish. It was like they encouraged me more than anything I could do for them. 

And then, we had a friend from church who came up with the idea of a group of women meeting up to pray for each other. I liked the idea, but I was terrified at the thought of praying loudly for someone. I had never done it, other than praying with my kids. My prayers tend to be all over the place. I did not expect it to make sense.

I'm thankful that I did it, and God pushed me to try something that I haven't done before. Not only were these women thoughtful and sensitive, they did not explain away anybody's issues. It was just a simple, heartfelt experience - which I would have never known, had I stayed in my shell. 

I'm thankful that I don't know God's mind. If I did, I would be telling Him how to think. 

We always talk about God's blessings - as we expect and want good things from God. That, He would meet our needs consistently, all the time. Our setbacks, trials, and disappointments don't seem to part of God's plan. Yet, God proves to us, time and again, that He permits the unfair things to be part of our lives.

I have found that as surely as I have seen the dark clouds, I have also seen the rainbow in those clouds. 

O let my trembling soul be still,
And trust Thy wise, Thy holy will.
I cannot, Lord, Thy purpose see,
Yet all is well since ruled by Thee - C.H. Spurgeon


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