Judge, ye not.

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Lately, I've been coming across this term called "bitchy resting faces". It is used to describe faces that look angry or pissed off, even when they are not. These faces look perpetually irritated or annoyed, unless they are smiling. Some of these faces belong to the prettiest ladies. I have this fear of my face looking like that. Some of them can't help it - their facial features tend to make them look like that. But, sometimes it is because - over time, as we judge others, certain lines on the face become prominent. The face reflects the condition of the heart. 

On the same lines, I have been thinking about how the dynamics of a lot of female friendships is complicated. It could be that females have a tendency to judge each other - comparing, feeling insecure, and forming elitist clubs.

Last weekend, our preacher at church spoke about "judging", and I found it to be very interesting, because it cleared a lot of misconceptions in my head. Few things he talked about -  
- To judge means to analyze, evaluate. To sift and make a decision based on available information. To judge beyond mere appearances.  
- "Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you"- Matthew 7:1
It is wrong to draw a conclusion over someone's values. To condemn someone, based on actions. Right judgement can judge a behavior without condemning a person. E.g. Calling someone a liar, vs telling them that they lied about a specific situation. 
- "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" - Luke 6:41 
We are busy pointing out what is wrong with others without paying any attention to our own issues. First, deal with own issues and then help one another. Judging should be done with a spirit of restoration and love. Judge people you care about, someone you want good for - not someone you want to condemn. 
- This doesn't mean that no one says anything and we walk around with sawdust and planks in our eyes. Repentance takes thought, honesty, right judgement of own sin. It is much easier to look at everyone else and see what is wrong with them than look inward and what is going on, in our own lives.  
- We are all in agreement that there is one type of person we all dislike - the judgmental person. 
We are most offended by things in others that we struggle with ourselves. Sometimes, we have a rosy view of ourselves and a jaundiced view of others. In effect, we see our own fault in others and judge it. So, we experience self righteousness without the pain of penitence/repentance.   
- When we find ourselves judging, first thing to do is ask - what does it say about me? We own our issues, take responsibility and understand our tendencies. Who are we quick to condemn? why is that? 
- Example of David, Bathsheba, Nathan. Nathan spoke to David about what had gone wrong. 
Qualifications of a "Nathan" in life - Do they love Jesus? Do they see clearly? Do they have a proven track record of caring and not condemning you? Give those people permission to speak in your life.
The whole sermon -
http://www.flatironschurch.com/messages/_video/index2.php?vn=130600774&sn=Kingdom&md=06.06.15

As an exercise, he asked us to think about situations where we judge, and to look deeper into tendencies. I decided to do it for the heck of it, and I'm horrified that I feel the need to judge as much as I do. I'm going to list a few of my tendencies - 

-  I judge people with bad manners. Who don't respond with etiquette. Maybe, part of taking myself too seriously, self importance, pride.

- I judge rude people. 

- I judge people who post fitness updates, numerous updates in a day or love notes on Facebook. Maybe, I want to take those steps to be fit, so I feel insecure when someone else is doing something that I'm supposed to be doing. Maybe, jealous of people who can be romantic, who don't feel pressure to conform, those not worried about acting silly.

- I judge people who talk fearlessly - maybe, insecure of their confidence.

- I judge people who don't talk at all - maybe, brings out insecurity about own social awkwardness/ shyness.

- I judge people who are too dependent on other people for acknowledgement, praise - maybe, lack of patience for people who are vulnerable, instead of putting on a show.

This is turning out to be a long list. It might seem like such a negative thing to do - to spend time thinking about own issues. But, at some level, there is freedom in knowing what is wrong in our own lives. I'm not sure what hope anyone can have, apart from the saving grace of God.

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