Ten years and counting

We remember Mummy frequently and fondly. It seems like she passed away too soon at the age of 59. But, we are grateful for the time we had with her. The happy memories. Each and every one of them.

We celebrated Daniel's 10th birthday recently. We were also reminded that it's been 10 years since Mummy passed away. Yet, the memories we have of her are vibrant. She was truly an unforgettable person, in every sense of the word. 

Sometimes, Naomi and Daniel talk about how they have never seen their grandma, and my heart breaks a little bit. I know that she would have adored them. 

I remember her as a grandma when my niece was born. My niece was the only one out of all her grand-kids who could actually spend some time with her. Mummy was never a typical "know-it-all" kind of person. She hardly ever dished out advice, though I'm sure that if she did, her advice would have been good. It wasn't even as if she was holding her tongue, or being disapproving of my sister, in any way. She took pride in my sister, both as her daughter and a mother. When she said things, they were positive and encouraging. 

In my early days as a mother, I had a difficult time with Daniel. He woke up every hour at night, for more than two years. He would scream bloody murder in his car-seat, his sensory issues, his aversion for changes, people. If I ever mentioned any of these things to anyone, people were quick to dish out glib advice. Our pediatrician would talk about structure, and being tough and leaving the child in the room to cry and figure it out or I would be "spoiling" the child. 

It's funny, that as adults, we accept that we are all wired uniquely. But for kids, we dish out standard advice as if it is some kind of robotic protocol. 

In those early years of struggling and trying to listen to this one and that, and trying to follow this advice and that, I came to the realization that a mother cannot parent her child based on someone else's convictions. We make the best use of our God given instincts, and take what advice is given with a sense of what may or may not work for your unique child and situation.

I also think that at a subtle level, Mummy exercised this as she gently encouraged my sister in her parenting. She did not "take charge" as a grandmother, or sulk about not having control. She did not say things about the "good old days" or how the kids these days are so entitled and privileged. She did not pretend to have it all figured out. 

She would have extended the same grace that she gave my sister to me as well. You don't forget people like these. In the end, what people remember most about someone is how they felt about themselves around that person. And, Mummy made people feel special.

For all the years, we knew you and were blessed enough to call you Mom, we are so very Thankful.