Farewell, Mummy

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Mummy passed away a day after our baby boy was born. Papa and Mummy had come to the US for my pregnancy. They were planning to stay with us for 3 months after the baby was born and then go back to India. But, God had other plans. Mummy fell ill when she came to the US. She was visiting my sister, after which they planned to come here. We thought of her illness as some mild chest congestion issues. Little did we suspect, what would take place in 45 days.

She was admitted in emergency with breathing trouble, which later on, we found out was lung cancer. After 45 agonizing days in the hospital, she passed away - just one day after our baby was born. We couldn't go for her funeral or even say goodbye.

I have often thought about why God wouldn't keep her alive for just a couple of weeks so that she could see our baby. I have often wondered why God took her away when she came to see her grandchild in a foreign country. I have often wondered what my father and family must have gone through, as they carried her dead body back to India. I have often wondered why the last memories of a lovely person had to be so painful.

Sometimes, when I close my eyes and think about her, I see her usually serene face gasping for breath. I shake my head and try again, this time I see a bed ridden body lying helpless with oxygen masks. I close my eyes again, and this time, I see her struggling to do basic things like eating a morsel of food or even going to the bathroom. I close my eyes, but this time I stop thinking. It's probably not worth it. The memories are too painful to keep reliving.

I have no answers as to why things happen the way they do. But, all that I can do is cling to God. He seems silent many a times, but he understands our pain. I cannot even imagine taking care of my child in the midst of my turmoil. I didn't even have the strength to do anything. God made a way, He made provision even when my heart wasn't in it. When I feel comforted by His presence and think of my Mummy, I think surely it must be amazing to be in a place where there is no sorrow or suffering, standing in the blessed presence of our creator. Surely, my mind cannot fathom the joy and peace she is surrounded with.

This time, my mind goes back to our happy days. Her smiling face, her gentle ways, a mother flowing with love and affection. She was the most non-judgemental person I've ever met. She had a childlike innocence and merry ways. My mother reflected God's grace.

Farewell, Mama. I miss you, but God will hold you in his wings till we meet again.


Memories of a cherished mother,
So dearly I hold in my heart.
If only I could go back in time,
I would have hugged her one last time.

Goodbye Mummy, i hope you can see my little boy grow.
I hope you knew how much loved and missed you are,
With every day and every month that goes.

I hope we who are left behind are comforted,
By the love and knowledge of He who holds you.
We'll stay hopeful, Mama,
Till one day we meet again.

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