Would you change for me, please?

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Change is a strange thing. We almost always have things we want to change in someone. We, most likely also have things we want to change in ourselves. 

But, rarely is the change we want in ourselves of the same intensity, like we want in others. The intense dislike with which we view other's shortcomings or habits is not how we view our own. 

We set out trying to change people. We put our foot down. We demand that the person change his/her habits. Sometimes, we stomp, we pout, we sulk , we cry, we complain, we ridicule. And, if we feel we are being wronged and when nothing else works, we have a pity party for ourselves.

However, we are accomodating about our own habits - our personality traits. We justify it, have our reasons for why it is the way it is. We know it's bad, but really, it's not THAT bad. Even, if it's that's bad, we are not really inclined to change anything. Or, even know how to change it.

I spent  a good first few years of our marriage trying to change my husband. Obviously, there were things that needed to change before we could even have any semblance of a good marriage. I thought that I was asking for the right things. I demanded, sometimes pleaded that he change, and he flatly refused. I prayed about it, but it was like hitting a dead end. No answers, no assurance. I thought God would help me change things about my husband. But, instead He kept pointing out things I needed to change about myself. 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

To me, any possibility of change is driven by first admitting and recognizing the need for change, not in others but in ourselves. To hate something about myself so much, that I don't make excuses for it, but WANT to change it. 

This is followed by the realization that there is this awesome God who has made me worthy and loves me, regardless of my shortcomings. When I realize the extent of His grace, I'm able to extend some of it, to others. 

It takes away the load of expectations on others, to not be critical or judgemental of someone else's road to spiritual growth. Their road to change is completely different from  mine. 

I think it is the Love of God which drives change.  For some people, it could mean that the only chance they ever have of experiencing God's grace is through me, especially if they haven't accepted or known God's love. Change in myself, can never be driven by an agenda to produce change in others. That will backfire, because at the heart of it, the intent is completely wrong.

Change in myself, gives me freedom, helps me grow. I don't carry the same baggage for the rest of life. I live without the immense need to control things, but submitting to God and living free and uncaged.


I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you, your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you.
(Ezekiel 36:26-27).

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