Till death do us part

-
Both my kids talk quite a bit about being married. Especially, with Naomi - her plans are pretty elaborate.

She has it down, all figured out right from the "white off-shoulder" dress that she is going to wear, to the number of rooms that she needs in a house and even the number of kids and their names. She is going to have two kids - the boy will be named Samuel and girl will be named Anna. She has asked that Daddy lives with her and I can live with Daniel. I'm also going to be taking care of my grandkids when she goes to work. The other day, as part of her game, batman Lego married Dr. Lego and they lived in their white house with a pink fence. Daniel, on the other hand has decided to have five kids. He was somewhat anxious when we told him that he would need to find a wife, when he is older.

I sincerely hope that they don't lose their sense of joy about finding a life partner.

Maybe, it is part of being a little girl, who dreams of being married one day, meeting the prince of her dreams or even having that perfect house and perfect kids. Sometimes, when these little girls grow older, their dreams get crushed a little bit.

I'm sure that this doesn't happen with every kid, but it is increasingly becoming rare to find a young person who wants to be married. When we were growing up, we would joke about how the fastest way to get a boyfriend to head for the door would be to talk about getting married. And, if you never want to see him again, talk about having kids.

I think it could be that marriage is viewed as a loss of freedom and increase in responsibility. It is viewed as putting someone else's needs ahead of your own at the expense of losing your own sense of identity.

Kids look around and see unhappy parents and unhappy couples - why would they want to jump into something that seems so unattractive from the start? When we add the baggage of arranged marriages - a bride or groom from a distant land, who has different upbringing and ideas from someone born and raised in America. The lack of compatibility/understanding for each others' differences is a scary prospect.

I was a very clueless bride. God used marriage to break and change me. And, I absolutely needed to be broken. Sometimes, married folks are hit by situations and personal issues that are way beyond their control. No matter what my husband or I did, we kept hitting the same roadblocks. Marriages are unique - I don't think anyone can claim to know it all. We are unique in what we experience and our response to it.

Our marriage has caused us deep pain, but has also been a source of tremendous blessing. My husband is my best friend. He has stood by me. He has held my hand, accepted and encouraged me. Our marriage is not free from problems. But, at the end of the day, there is no other man I would rather be with.

It took 13 years of God having to break at those hard layers and mold us, to be able to see in part what God was able to see fully when he brought us together.

If there is anything that I would want my kids to hold onto is that - God is sufficient. In the midst of the storm, in those times of waiting and blessings - He is our only constant, our only hope.

“I have an awesome heavenly Father who cares for me, loves me, and has prepared great things for me. I won’t be afraid today. Today I choose to live with gratitude for the LOVE that fills my heart, the PEACE that rests within my spirit and the voice of HOPE that says… all things are possible.”

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Generosity

-
Ever met a stingy person? Not in terms of gift giving or spending, but people who are stingy with affection, or stingy with acknowledging the good in someone else? Chances are, we don't like such a person. Chances are, we are that person (Maybe, not to everyone but to someone). I have been thinking about how one of my main triggers for the past year has been ingratitude. Like when you do things for someone, but they either blow it off or don't value it. When they find things to complain about and never have a good word to say.  When we are around generous people, it lifts us up. They raise us to be better versions of ourselves. I recently read a quote which stuck with me, "If you don't like what you are reaping, consider what you are sowing" . If we don't invest in something, whether a person, a task or a relationship, it dies a natural death. That is just the way it is. Generous people don't rely on the reciprocity of their actions to be generous. In most...
Read more

The paradox of Forgiveness

-
  “We see life as unfair and ourselves as its victims. We focus on the offenses others have done against us. And we fail to realize all these offenses pale in comparison to our own offenses against God, who not only forgives us, but both requires and enables us to forgive others and move forward free from the past. We should forgive as God forgave us, not once but many times.” This is the heart of God's forgiveness message. I wonder sometimes, what this means for victims. For people who are at the receiving end of others' sins. People dealing with years of trauma, abuse, neglect or betrayal. We all sin and fall short in many different ways, but forgiveness is more complex than that. The offenses that are done against us are wrong, simply because they are like our own offenses — wrong because they are done against God. To imply that our pain is not real or valid because we ourselves have done wrong, would be to negate the entire human race and the wrongs we inflict on each other...
Read more

Baby soft skin

-
Lately, I have been thinking that people have been in our lives for a reason , season or a lifetime . Typically, most folks fall in the first two categories. The " lifetime " people are maybe family and a few people here and there.  When Dev taught Sunday school, many of those kids were a huge part of our lives. Dev was heavily invested in them and cared for them, way more than a typical teacher. Gradually, he drifted away from what he used to do and these kids grew up and became adults and moved on with their lives.  Someone once told us that when you invest in these Sunday School kids, they will grow up and be there for your kids. I think this is mostly untrue. These young adults barely even know that my kids exist, let alone being involved in their lives.  Also, this is an unfair burden and expectation to place on them. Firstly, they are trying to figure out their own lives. They don't really have the headspace or inclination to be involved in someone else's kids...
Read more