Random musings

Every once in a while, I see messages or videos that speak about God's blessings. Sometimes, the videos show people that have no food to eat, or are crippled and disabled, or suffering with disease, or have children and family that die and so on.  Through it all, the message is that God has blessed us with so much because we don't suffer these things. So, we should be thankful that God loves us so much that He doesn't inflict us with such misery.  I don't know - but to me, this seems like such a twisted philosophy. It's like we are telling ourselves that "Better them than us" . Or that, we are mistakenly assuming that God doesn't love them enough. So maybe, it is their " lot " in life, to be punished like that. Or, maybe, this is an indirect way of shaming people so that we don't whine and complain about silly things, because someone out there is suffering more than we are. If the intent is for us to have a thankful heart or ...

Among many verses in the Bible about women, this specific verse has been quoted often as an admirable trait about women.  Your adornment must not be merely external-- braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. - 1 Peter 3:4 I must admit that I did not understand what it meant, until recently. I thought that it meant that a woman must not pay that much importance to her outward appearance, as much as she does to the condition of her heart, as this is precious in the sight of God. This much part is true.  But, I also thought that a " quiet " woman is more preferable than a talkative/outgoing one. This was confusing to me, because if God has created each one of us, with our individual traits, why does the Bible talk about being " quiet "? Maybe, this was my big " A-ha/DUH " m...

Daniel has started Kindergarten, and Naomi is getting ready to join preschool this year. It is hard to explain the huge sense of anticipation and nervous excitement one feels when the kids walk into their classrooms.  Part of me wants to rush and take them back home when I see the anxiety in their eyes, and I remind myself that this is just the beginning of a long, sometimes arduous journey in education.  And, then there's this other part of me that wants to joyfully leap in the air, because I get a few hours to myself - to do what I want.   As parents, we feel that overwhelming sense of pride as the kids learn to be independent. As their minds grow to absorb all that is being taught. As they learn that they perhaps are not the center of the universe, like they once imagined. As they take those baby steps away from you - the watchful and sometimes hovering parent. They are out of the safety and security of their nest. But, I would hope that they know that...

Lately, it seems like few things keep coming back again and again as issues. These are things that I might have pushed under the rug or put on a back burner in my "to-do" list. But, somehow over the years, it has never been done.  Over time, I have paid the price for ignoring these things, but people near and dear to me have probably experienced more consequences of my actions or non-actions. It wouldn't be an over-statement to say that - I'm the queen of procrastination . There are always excuses for why something doesn't get done, especially when it doesn't hit my radar. Procrastination is the bane of my existence. I guess if something is a priority, we find a way to make it happen. If it isn't, we come up with the next best thing - we make excuses and feel bad for ourselves. I'm increasingly finding that this is a sorry way to live. Sometimes, I spend the whole day just rushing around doing things for the kids or managing the home. ...

No one likes to be judged. Yet, we all judge others.  We form impressions based on how someone looks, dresses, accent, mannerisms, the race, gender and what not. Even before a person has a chance to utter a single word, we have formed an opinion on the other person.  It is not surprising that we do that, since much of our communication tends to be non-verbal. We communicate more to others by the way we listen, move,  react, our body language than the actual words we speak. I'm convinced that judging in itself is not a bad thing. Maybe, the judgement helps us discern right from wrong or make sound decisions. However, it seems like some people are less " judgmental " than other people.  Maybe, they don't let their impressions of others drive them to treat people poorly, give unwarranted opinions, or act pompous and self-righteous.  I'm always bothered when people judge - it makes me want to retreat in my shell and perhaps, do more of what they...

I do not remember the point of my conversion - as in the exact time or place when I accepted God. It wasn't a lightning bulb moment.  I would often hear people talk about how God was working in their lives or how they heard God speak to them. I felt no such thing. when I started praying, most of my prayers would be about wanting God to speak to me and wanting to feel His presence.  God seemed distant and indifferent. In my mind, I thought that if God is true, He loved certain people more than the others. He spoke to these special people more. He made His presence felt in their lives. He gave them more blessings. Almost, like a class teacher who has a bunch of favorite students and overlooks the rest. Few students make the cut, the others don't. I admit that I wouldn't feel the need for God, if things were going perfectly. I started seeking God when problems were staring me right in the face, where I was helpless to the point of desperation. I guess this is true...

I find myself stuck in my ways. I do not accept or like change. I have my own self-imposed boundaries, which does not really accomplish anything significant in my life. It is just like a defense mechanism of keeping myself safe - maybe from judgement, negativity or feeling exposed.  Lately, I find that God is slowly pushing me out of my comfort zone. It started when we joined a new church. For some reason, I felt compelled to join the kids ministry. No sooner had I stepped inside the 4-year old kids room, I knew that I had taken on something that was too big for my boots.  I had my doubts whether I would be able to engage these 4 year old kids and interact with adults that I was meeting for the first time. I did not have the cheery/bubbly personality that most of the adults in the room seemed to have.  Slowly, but surely God was teaching me to not make everything about myself. When I learned to let go of my inhibitions, I found that these kids didn't care wha...