Random musings

It's been somewhat disheartening to see the condition of the Indian church. Many people have stopped coming to the church for various reasons. So, the small church has become smaller and the few members who have been carrying most of the load for the functioning of the church are losing hope. Admittedly, the church has issues - with trying to cater to the young people, the older people and the ones in-between. Trying to cater to the ones who speak Malayalam or don't, trying to mix the traditional with the contemporary, trying to get speakers to fill in the void for church leadership, trying to fix the unspoken issues among the members or deal with clashing personalities. For such a small group of people, it is ironic that we have so many issues.  We are a church with growing pains. Anytime a change is brought about, there is bound to be resistance. One such area is the music ministry. I've always watched the choir from a distance but over the past year, - I've ...

Daniel has been taking piano lessons for the past year. The other day, we were running late as usual. After all the rushing about trying to get there on time, we managed to make it. As I was sitting outside waiting for Daniel to get done with his lesson, a lady walked by me and said, " I'm sorry but we had a parent teacher conference with the piano teacher and we took an extra 3 minutes ." The reason she was apologizing was because they took time from what was supposed to be part of Daniel's piano lesson. I told her that it was totally fine. Before she walked away, she told me, " Next time, try to be 5 minutes early. " I was somewhat taken aback that her apology sounded more like a reprimand rather than an apology.  It wasn’t a big deal that they took 3 minutes of our time. It would have been better on her part to not say anything rather than a feeble apology. This got me thinking about apologies, and how it is so hard to apologize. Someti...

The past few weeks saw the closure of elections in America. It was a polarizing election, with controversial candidates on both sides. One thing is certain - democracy is alive and kicking. This is evident when people have the freedom to express their views, the right to disagree and hold the government accountable in whatever ways they can. In some ways, it was like " deja-vu " - having grown up in India and being part of the minority community. There is an increased sense of being an outsider, looking in - and feeling that the majority population barely tolerates you, and doesn't really identify with you. It is a feeling of " put up or shut up ". I remember an incident in college, and having a school administrator point out to me that I wasn't really an Indian citizen, because I had a Christian name. I remember being called " pav waali ", with the assumption that Christians survive on a diet of bread. I remember the Mumbai riots, where h...

We live in this age of social-connectedness - with Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and what not. Yet, I find that people have never been more lonely or more desperate for connection and friendship. The other day, Daniel asked Naomi a question, and she responded with " I don't care ". Daniel said that in his classroom at school, the 7 year old kids think that it is a horrible thing to say that one doesn't care. He said, " you know, Naomi, even the mean kids think that - this is a really bad thing to say to someone ". On Facebook, most of the things that get posted are " happy " things. Every once in  while, someone might post something heartfelt. Maybe, a time of grief, a moment of vulnerability or sadness. And, we as people, have the option of scrolling because it makes us uncomfortable, or we are pre-occupied, or we don't know what to say or how to react or we don't like the person or maybe, we just don't care.  We have the o...

Last month, I met with an accident when driving the car. Nothing happened - to me or the lady who was in the car with me. I guess that I should have been thankful, but I didn't feel that way.  Here, I had mustered enough courage to drive around at night, when I didn't know the directions. Knowing my track record at getting lost in the middle of nowhere, it seemed like a big accomplishment. After the accident, I was back to feeling like a nervous, clueless person with the same fear, settling in again. What was more surprising to me, is that when this happened, the first thought that came to my mind is that - I must have done something wrong and that's why this happened.  It is strange, that " not-so-great things happening in my life " and " God " do not go together. Subconsciously, I had bought into a lie that God's blessings only come to certain people, and if something was going wrong, it was because I had messed up and God being holy a...

It was somewhat unnerving when someone volunteered me to lead one of the " spiritual disciplines " discussions at the ladies' fellowship meeting. Everyone has been taking turns, so it was only fair that I would be willing to do it.  I spent two weeks going back and forth with myself, about if people need to stick to what comes naturally to them, like use their God given talents or if we are expected to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and do stuff that makes us uncomfortable. I, finally came to the conclusion that everyone has something to share with regards to their faith and I do too. It was okay if I didn't make perfect sense or if I needed to say the same thing in five different ways for it to make sense.  The discussion was about " Studying the Bible ", which I will admit is something that I struggle with. Anyway, this is what I ended up sharing with the group of ladies. Every morning, I tell my kids to do certain things - like brush th...

I've been meeting with a group of ladies every couple of weeks and we study a book called " Celebration of Discipline ". The book is about growing in faith and drawing closer to God, by using spiritual disciplines. I want to know more about God, and unless I have some kind of structure/discipline in doing that, most likely that wouldn't happen for me. So, it was interesting to hear the other ladies' perspectives. During one of the discussions, one of the ladies said something about " fake it till you make it ". I was somewhat taken aback when I heard this. I think that her intent in saying it, was that spiritual disciplines don't come naturally to people, so we have to keep doing it, till it becomes more meaningful or real or something of that sort. At the same time, I wonder, if we believe in a God who is all-knowing , wouldn't He know when we are faking it? Wouldn't He know that I'm sitting in the middle of a church service ...