Random musings

We celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary today. Thank you, God for bringing us this far. We know that we couldn't have done it without you. We pray for your strength and grace to grow in love for each other, wisdom in bringing up our children and the desire to know more about you. It amazes me to be surrounded by children who care. I don't remember celebrating anniversaries. Usually, Christmas takes priority. Most years, we don't remember when our anniversary comes and goes.  But, this year, we had a bunch of church boys who found out, bring us flowers and breakfast from chic - fil - A. And then, we have this sweet and thoughtful girl from church write us this touching poem. Pray God continues to bless these children with a heart to reach out and be thoughtful to others. The Perfect Balance His intense gaze, her delicate eyes. His deep voice, her soft words. His heavy steps, her light feet. His jolly laugh, her cheerful giggle. His quick tem

Change is a strange thing. We almost always have things we want to change in someone. We, most likely also have things we want to change in ourselves.  But, rarely is the change we want in ourselves of the same intensity, like we want in others. The intense dislike with which we view other's shortcomings or habits is not how we view our own.  We set out trying to change people. We put our foot down. We demand that the person change his/her habits. Sometimes, we stomp, we pout, we sulk , we cry, we complain, we ridicule. And, if we feel we are being wronged and when nothing else works, we have a pity party for ourselves. However, we are accomodating about our own habits - our personality traits. We justify it, have our reasons for why it is the way it is. We know it's bad, but really, it's not THAT bad. Even, if it's that's bad, we are not really inclined to change anything. Or, even know how to change it. I spent  a good first few years of our marr

Most of us think of old age with a sense of fear. We associate old age with the rapid decline of physical health. We entertain thoughts of nursing homes. It could mean dependence on younger people to get our day to day tasks done. It could mean loss of youth, good looks, our bodies, vibrant lives.  There is nothing attractive about old age. And no one wants to grow old. And then, we have the mad rush to reverse the effects of aging- from breast implants to tummy tucks to botox and what not. Media certainly doesn't portray old age with any dignity. On a more subtle level, masking age by coloring hair, dressing young, lying about age, hanging out with young and hip people. I find myself increasingly getting uncomfortable about my grey hair and wanting to not reveal my age and so on. All of which, ultimately cannot take away from the fact that we all grow old. We may choose to not accept it. We may choose to stay young using all we can, for as long as possible. The choic

Naomi has a new found hobby. And, we are soon finding out that this little one has a mind of her own. She will fling open the cabinet drawers and throw stuff out, and stuff some of it in her mouth. If you catch her in the middle of the act, she will throw back her head, fall to the ground and cry. While she is doing this, she usually opens one eye, as if to check if we are paying attention. If we don't pay attention, she will follow us around, and re-enact the whole thing. I find myself having to hold back a smile, because she is funny and cute at the same time. But, reminds me that we start this act early. The subtle art of manipulation. Taken to an extreme, manipulation means using someone for devious intent. But, at a more subtle level, we indulge in it in our day to day lives. I found myself telling Daniel, "Please sleep in your room on your Thomas bed, and don't go to Daddy's bedroom in the middle of the night. Thomas will be sad, if you do that. Do yo

As I watch my children grow, my strongest instinct is to nurture and protect them. Protect them, at all costs. Protect them from all danger, predators, getting hurt, disillusionment, failure and evil. The closer I look at my goals, the more I wonder if that is even possible. Growing up in Bombay was scary. It didn't seem that way when I lived there, but there are aspects of it which send me into a state of panic. The laws barely exist, and people just get away with whatever they want to do. Eve teasing is common and they prey on young children. Creepy men, unwelcome hands, standing closer than needed and suggestive language. As I found myself getting to slowly understand what kind of touch was inappropriate, I learned to protect myself. I learned to avoid crowded places. I learned to walk at safe distances from creepy people. I learned to look them in the eye. I have even slapped someone's hand. All this made me cringe at any kind of male touch, even my husband'

Writing for me, was a way to sort out my muddled thoughts. I, sometimes look at women who articulate their thoughts beautifully, speak coherent sentences and express their faith in tangible terms. And wonder, maybe someday I'll get there. Right now, my thoughts are a tangled mess. I'm definitely awkward and painfully shy, when it comes to expressing myself. And when people form opinions based on what I project, it makes me feel worse about myself. Speaking of insecurities, some people have a truckload of them. As I'm learning to lean more on God for my insecurities, I'm also learning that self consciousness is a form of pride. Why does it matter what people think of me? Wouldn't I rather rest in the knowledge that God has already accepted me and loves me regardless of what I project? Most people don't think of me, they have better things to do. They think about themselves. I put some unsuspecting woman on a pedestal, just as someone else does f

Maybe, it is part of our genetic makeup to want to be liked. We want to be accepted, to be desired, cherished and loved. We look for acceptance from people. Sometimes, we put on our best behavior, a fake smile, tidy up our insecurities, put on masks and act nice. What if all the veneer was blown away? Would we be accepted or liked? Most likely, not.  Reminds me of my husband, who most of the time, talks about all the ways he has gone wrong. People get a chuckle out of it. Some use it as an opportunity to slam him and be derogatory. That's the best we as a society, do for people who are vulnerable, real or honest. Isn't it then understandable why we spend all our lives acting out our parts? Isn't it ironic, that the closer we are to understanding our sinfulness, the better we can grasp the extent of God's grace? Why would a God who is all perfect, accept someone as wretched? Why would He treat us as heirs and love us so dearly? Why would He accept someone w

I wonder, why pray? Is God a stubborn God who needs to be coaxed and cajoled so that He would finally listen?  What about if someone has prayed for years and not received answers? Does it mean that their faith was not as strong enough as someone whose prayers were answered? Or does it depend on the person praying - God will answer based on who is praying? I've had unanswered prayers. I prayed for my mother to be healed. I read and claimed every promise in the bible about healing. But, God chose to call her home. I've wondered about my significance - if my prayers were important or earnest enough.  Philippians 4: 6-7 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. God has not promised to answer everything we ask of Him