Random musings

I've been meeting with a group of ladies every couple of weeks and we study a book called " Celebration of Discipline ". The book is about growing in faith and drawing closer to God, by using spiritual disciplines. I want to know more about God, and unless I have some kind of structure/discipline in doing that, most likely that wouldn't happen for me. So, it was interesting to hear the other ladies' perspectives. During one of the discussions, one of the ladies said something about " fake it till you make it ". I was somewhat taken aback when I heard this. I think that her intent in saying it, was that spiritual disciplines don't come naturally to people, so we have to keep doing it, till it becomes more meaningful or real or something of that sort. At the same time, I wonder, if we believe in a God who is all-knowing , wouldn't He know when we are faking it? Wouldn't He know that I'm sitting in the middle of a church service

Both my kids talk quite a bit about being married. Especially, with Naomi - her plans are pretty elaborate. She has it down, all figured out right from the " white off-shoulder " dress that she is going to wear, to the number of rooms that she needs in a house and even the number of kids and their names. She is going to have two kids - the boy will be named Samuel and girl will be named Anna. She has asked that Daddy lives with her and I can live with Daniel. I'm also going to be taking care of my grandkids when she goes to work. The other day, as part of her game, batman Lego  married Dr. Lego and they lived in their white house with a pink fence. Daniel, on the other hand has decided to have five kids. He was somewhat anxious when we told him that he would need to find a wife, when he is older. I sincerely hope that they don't lose their sense of joy about finding a life partner. Maybe, it is part of being a little girl, who dreams of being married one

When Daniel started going to school for the whole day, I had to look into options on what I could pack for his lunch. My kids are not big into Indian food, and usually Indian food doesn't taste good when it's cold. So, I would usually pack cold meat or cheese spread kind of sandwiches. I found the recipes on the internet for lunch ideas to be complicated. So, I started experimenting with different combinations, and I have a few ideas that I thought of writing in a blog post, that I will update, so I don't lose track (Somewhat, dorky. Yes:)) Protein options --------------- - Boneless skinless chicken thighs - Marinate in spices. This is a dry rub. (I use cumin, coriander, pinch of chili and salt). Sear chicken on both sides in a pan on medium-high heat till it forms a crust. Bake at 350 for 12-15 mins. Pack chicken pieces in individual snack size Ziploc bags. Can cut up and use with pasta/spaghetti, noodles or rice. - Shrimp - Marinate shrimp in turmeric, pi

We go to an Indian church, most Sundays. This is a small community of friends that we have had over the past many years. Many of the folks from this church have stood with us, during good times and bad. Though, we don't have family living in the same state - having this church has offset that need to a great extent. There are few things that have been on my mind for sometime now. A lot of people in this church are my husband's friends. The rest are my father-in-law's friends. I realize that, I'm a reserved person, so it's not always easy for people to talk to me.  But, there are few friendships and relationships that I've tried to invest in, but for some reason, I feel like a bystander. What I say or do or don't say or don't do, doesn't change anything.  Even, the ones who are friends with me are because - I'm the wife or daughter-in-law or something of that sort. It especially becomes troubling for me, when someone is talking to my

Have you ever spoken to someone about a problem only to receive a truckload of advice on how to fix the issue, all of which left you more confused? Or, spoken about something that was close to your heart, only to have the person brush it off or treat it flippantly?  Or, have someone zone in and out of the conversation waiting for the next chance to escape the conversation or want to chime in with their two cents? Or, have the person listen intently for the time being, but completely forget about it after the conversation is done. Such folks are called  " poor listeners " . I should know because I'm one of them. I tune out people and conversations much more than I would care to admit.  I've heard someone say that, most people listen with the intent to reply rather than the intent to understand. This would be very true for me.  When my sister would speak about things that upset her, my immediate reaction was to offer advice and fix things for her. I t

Sometimes, when you look at people - they seem perfectly normal on the outside. But, when you scratch the surface or dig deeper, almost everyone has some story to tell. Some wounds to hide.  Because, we look at the outside - we don't understand people. Maybe, we don't want to. People who are broken on the inside, struggling to make meaning and sense of things. People trying to do their day to day tasks but not able to function adequately, for reasons that they cannot fix by themselves - no matter how hard they try. “You never really know a man until you understand things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” - Lee, Harper. To Kill a Mockingbird.    - The child so fidgety, that he has been labeled hyper and careless. - The man with the physical ailment, who has been called lazy. - The kid who can't stop spinning around, but has to, because it's not right. - The lady who has everything she needs in life, but is dep

I have never really thought about teachers, until my kids started school. I take what they do for granted. Admittedly, not all teachers are shining superstars. But, the " good " teachers are priceless and precious miracles. I think that very few professions have as much influence in molding and shaping lives, as much as teachers do.  The teachers, who make sense of complicated concepts.  The teachers, who believe in the students even when they don't believe in themselves.  The teachers, who day after day, come back to the same bunch of students with a passion for teaching and imparting knowledge.  In return, many of them hardly get a word of acknowledgement. They are underpaid and under-appreciated. Yet, they selflessly do what they do, because they love and accept the kids, and they love their jobs. To those teachers, a big Thank you from the bottom of my heart. What I remember from Daniel's early years is a child who found it very hard to cope

We had a guest this weekend. He is my father-in-law's close family friend and he refers to him as a " spiritual brother ".  A lot of friends and relatives from my husband's side of the family are charismatic believers - some speak in tongues, prayers are said in a vocal, almost overflowing, faith filled way. My husband and I usually don't know how to react or respond to it, we just go with what is being said. It's not that we don't believe that such things can happen - but our faith does not express itself in the same way. We had a prayer meeting in one of the church families' home. This uncle prayed, and a lot of people were moved and responded in a seemingly powerful way. When this was happening, I did not experience any overflowing of faith. But, I felt emotion and a feeling that I should be perhaps - saying or doing something more than just staring at my nails like a doofus . "And there appeared to them tongues as of fire distribu

Sometimes, in Christian circles, we hear what people call " testimonies ". A testimony is a time of reflection, telling the world about how God has worked in a person's life. In doing so, we not only strengthen our own faith but encourage others by giving glory to God. I must admit, that I find many of these testimonies confusing. Some of them sound like " humble " bragging. Some of them sound like God's job is to give us a good, easy life. And, as long as that is happening, our faith is fulfilling and rewarding.  My husband, recently said something about this kind of testimony, and it got me thinking. It is possible that the testimony sounded that way to me because the testimony takes the focus away from God and puts more focus on the individual. It's like saying - we are God's chosen people, so he favors us and showers us with more grace than an average person.  We recently heard a series of sermons at the Flatirons church, and none of

Every day, we are faced with the possibility of having to make decisions. Choices that we make could affect our day or even influence the rest of our lives. I find it very challenging to make decisions. To know if what we are choosing to do is the right way to go. Here are a few principles that I've heard of -  Use the Bible as your grid. As you are in tune with the Father, you will begin to naturally walk in the works God has already prepared for you. To do the things He has already begun to put in your heart. Ask yourself if this decision brings freedom or bondage in your life? And will it contribute to you walking in the fullness of all that you are called to be?   For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:10 For bigger decisions, seek counsel from people in whom you trust. Prayer is great help, not only by yourself but also with others. Make your own decisions after weighing wha

Sometimes, I think my kids, especially Naomi has short-term amnesia. She will do something and will forget about it, like it never happened. The other day, Daniel and I took her to the Dr. for her yearly checkup. The Dr. asked her if she was enjoying her summer and what she had been doing. She replied by saying, " Oh nothing, I just sit at home and color all day. ". The Dr. gave me one of those sidelong glances, while I giggled like a silly girl. I spend all my days entertaining these little monkeys. They are fairly occupied most days, - swimming, skating, art, dancing, the park, library or something. So, I wasn't sure what she meant by her " coloring " comment. She did something similar, recently. Someone asked her if she saw fireworks for the 4th of July. And, she said that she didn't. The kids actually sat on top of the car and watched fireworks from the hill. She didn't seem to remember(Or, maybe didn't think it was special enough to mention

Lately, I've been coming across this term called " bitchy resting faces ". It is used to describe faces that look angry or pissed off, even when they are not. These faces look perpetually irritated or annoyed, unless they are smiling. Some of these faces belong to the prettiest ladies. I have this fear of my face looking like that. Some of them can't help it - their facial features tend to make them look like that. But, sometimes it is because - over time, as we judge others, certain lines on the face become prominent. The face reflects the condition of the heart.  On the same lines, I have been thinking about how the dynamics of a lot of female friendships is complicated. It could be that females have a tendency to judge each other - comparing, feeling insecure, and forming elitist clubs. Last weekend, our preacher at church spoke about " judging ", and I found it to be very interesting, because it cleared a lot of misconceptions in my head. Few th

Maybe, all of us, at some point in our lives, have to learn to forgive. It could be minor disagreements where something callous or unkind was said. It could be something major that turned our world upside down - and caused hurt, anger, guilt and fear. Forgiveness is like unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing that you were the prisoner, all along. We spend our nights tossing and turning, re-hashing the hurt and pain. It feels like someone has taken a piece of your life and heart, that you can never get back.  There are times, when I find my mind is at unrest and churning a lot of things. If I take a step back, and look at the root cause of it - it's almost always because there are things I'm holding onto that I should be letting go. It affects the whole mind and body like poison and steals your joy. And, just when you are trying hard to let go - you see glimpses of the past repeating itself, only to bring back the flood of memories and the hurt that goes

Someone we know talked about one of his friends and how that friend was a devout Christian, but eventually stopped reading the Bible and going to church when he discovered that God was the " villain " of the Old Testament. Though, I could not relate or agree with that statement, I could understand to a certain extent, where this person was coming from. There are parts in the Bible which make no sense unless one makes an effort to study it in-depth or someone else explains the history or context behind it. Even then, there are things which just seem bizarre or radical. Most people who walk away from their faith also have similar reasons. It is interesting to read comments/reactions, when a religious article is posted on message boards and websites. Someone will comment on how religious people have very low IQ's, and how could someone worship a God that kills babies and destroys nations. They throw in the fiery, blazing furnace of hell, as an argument. And then, th

The other day when we were at church, one of the senior members in his sermon, gave an analogy about man's life. It was something about how God created different animals like a donkey, a dog, a monkey and gave each of them tasks. The donkey was told that he would work from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on his back and would live 50 years. The donkey didn't want 50 years, and opted for 20 years instead. So, God granted him that wish. The dog was told that he would guard the house, and live on scraps. And, the dog took 15 years, instead of 30. The monkey would swing from branch to branch doing tricks and was awarded 20 years. But, the monkey wanted only 10 years. Finally, God created man and told him that he would be the only rational creature on the face of the earth and would live 20 years. But, the man wanted the years the animals had refused to be added to his life.  So since then, man lives 20 years as a man. Then, spends 30 years like a donkey, working

The other day, I heard my boy, Daniel tell his sister, " Oh, Naomi, you can tell grandpa the truth. He does not get angry, like parents do ".  One of my biggest fears is people closest to me lying about things. And, it was sort of unnerving to hear that my six year old didn't feel comfortable telling the truth because he didn't like the consequences.  It seemed like it was time to do things differently. So, I tried not to over-react at what they told me, and keep a calm disposition. I also told Daniel that he could tell me anything and I would try my best, not to get mad. So, the kids took it to the next level. I heard statements like -   " Mommy, we painted our faces with permanent marker, but we are telling you the truth. I hope you are not angry ". " We painted the wall. It looks really nice ."  " We just tore up the homework folder ."  " We gave Henry crayons to eat." " I just flooded the ba

Speaking of bad habits, I've had one since as long as I can remember. I bite my nails.  I bite them for no obvious reasons - when I'm bored, happy, anxious, stressed, nervous, thinking... I tell myself that because I'm somewhat OCD about washing my hands, it shouldn't matter as much. So, I just do it, because I CAN'T seem to stop.  Though, over the years - I have tried many things to make it stop. I've gone for manicures, hoping that looking at pretty nail-paint would do the trick. I've been told that it is ridiculous to watch a grown up person bite their nails. And, it is true. I do look very stupid doing it. I've tried wearing gloves. I've tried solid resolve. And, none of that worked. Till, until ... I saw my little munchkins copy my monkey act. It started with my son, who started biting his nails after watching me. After a whole lot of begging, pleading, threatening and what not, my little boy with stellar discipline stopped doing i

Having an opinion about teenagers when I don't have one is like people talking about kids without having their own. It doesn't mean that they are not entitled to their opinions. It's just that their opinions are laced with a mix of fantasy and delusions! But, I feel very qualified (NOT!) to talk about teenagers, because I have one in the house. Our four legged friend, Henry is a teenager in doggie years. (2*7=14). See, I did my math.  Henry, our teenager is a bundle of contradictions. A sweet symphony on one hand, a bitter discord on the other.  He LIKES whom he likes he likes. The rest are treated with absolute disdain and suspicion.  He runs away when its time to come inside the home, leave a play-area, or his buddy friends or anything he deems unnecessary. In fact, running away seems like his favorite activity. When I ask him to do something, he lifts his doggie paws in the air and tells me, "I don't want to. I want to do what I want to

I don't know why I think of those friends now. It's been years since they left the state.  Even when they were here and I found a way to get along with them, I still maintained my distance.  Both these men were my husband's college buddies. I met them for the first time, after I was married, about 12 years ago. They were both unmarried at that time, had done their masters in the US and worked for hi-tech companies. One of them, especially was very rude. I still remember the first few visits with him. The first time, he said something like " girls from India just want to get married to men in the US ".  It was like someone just knocked the wind off my sails. I worked in the US before I was married. I certainly didn't need to get married to be in America. If anything, I had given up on my business visa and transferred to a dependent H-4 visa, to be with my husband, instead of working in different states. Then, he said things like " It doe

With the coming of the New Year, I feel as if I need to be doing something different as in write resolutions, or make those changes or do something I always wanted to do. Part of me, thinks that it is a wasted effort because I find it hard to keep my " resolutions ". But then, if ever there was a time to start anew, the beginning of the year is it. The word that hits me this year is - Passion.  Now, passion and I have very little in common. Especially, when I think of the " Mills and Boon " or " 50 shades of Grey " kind of passion - I'm like - hmm, sounds really nice. I should try it sometime. Yet, when I think of passion in the true sense, I think of someone who lives life to the fullest. Someone, who doesn't necessarily do things perfectly, but puts their heart and soul into everything they do. Someone, who is driven by a purpose, a goal, or life itself. Someone, who is alive, in the moment. Someone, who makes mistakes, but picks thems