Random musings

It wouldn't be an over statement to say that my husband says things like it is. This includes the bad stuff - he does not sugar coat anything. But, it is also true that he can be my biggest cheerleader.  Like recently, for some reason, he decided that I could sing. And, he took it upon himself to champion my lost cause.  He got me to sing in some family event hosted by our church. All this is nice and fine. But, I'm not being modest when I say this - my voice sounds like a squeak in my head! And, singing in front of so many people was like having a panic attack.  Of late, I've been telling myself to do things out of my comfort zone and I was reminded not to take myself too seriously. So, I ventured out trying to sing and feeling like a bumbling fool. I was glad that I got this out of my system and people were all so encouraging and supportive.  As if this was not enough, my husband decided to share my talent (or lack of it) with the online Facebook crowd, w

In this month's newsletter at Daniel's school, they published an article about the " social climate " in their school. As part of assessing the social climate, they ask students to answer questions like, " Do you think your teacher or xyz likes you? ".  The article stated how the percentage of students answering " yes " to this question had dropped significantly from last year and they were working on improving it. This just goes to show that as human beings, we care so much about being liked and loved. How is the teacher going to show that they like the kid, if they feel as if the kid doesn't like them? Yet, it seemed as if the teachers were expected to do that, regardless of how they are treated. We will always find individuals whom we like, maybe because we get along with them or have common interests or something of that sort.  I like my kids, my husband, my family. In fact, I love them! I also like many other people, becau

Naomi has always been someone who needs constant affection. Even as a baby, she would push Daniel out of the way, and find a way to sit on Mommy's or Daddy's lap. She is also someone who expresses affection with loads of hugs and kisses. She is like my little " cuddle-ball ". Sometimes, when they are sitting on the couch watching TV or something, she will loudly call out for me and say, " Mommy, come sit with me ". I find myself saying that I'll be there but sometimes I don't find time to sit with her. Mostly, because they are watching something on TV that I have watched more than a dozen times, and it drives me crazy to keep watching it. And, also because I have other things to do, like check out irrelevant news on the internet or read all the silly stuff that someone is posting on Facebook or check my cell phone for the latest updates.  The other day when she asked me to sit with her, I actually stopped what I was doing and went and sa

The kids watch a show called " Daniel Tiger " on TV. Sometimes, I watch this show with them, and I think it's pretty good because occasionally they teach kids (and grown ups) about how to deal with negative emotions. They don't expect a person to not feel negative emotions like "anger, "jealousy" etc, but give them reasonable ways on how to handle those emotions. It was another one of those days, when the kids were getting ready to watch one of their shows on TV. Typically, I end up giving both of them one choice on which show they can watch. Naomi decided that she wants to watch " Strawberry shortcake ". Daniel gets scared of some of the shows on TV, and he was scared when he heard that Naomi wanted to watch that one. So, he wailed and ran upstairs and locked himself in the bedroom.  Naomi went upstairs to tell Daniel that he can come downstairs, and they can watch something else. Daniel was so happy when he heard that. He hugged her

Every once in a while, I see messages or videos that speak about God's blessings. Sometimes, the videos show people that have no food to eat, or are crippled and disabled, or suffering with disease, or have children and family that die and so on.  Through it all, the message is that God has blessed us with so much because we don't suffer these things. So, we should be thankful that God loves us so much that He doesn't inflict us with such misery.  I don't know - but to me, this seems like such a twisted philosophy. It's like we are telling ourselves that "Better them than us" . Or that, we are mistakenly assuming that God doesn't love them enough. So maybe, it is their " lot " in life, to be punished like that. Or, maybe, this is an indirect way of shaming people so that we don't whine and complain about silly things, because someone out there is suffering more than we are. If the intent is for us to have a thankful heart or

Among many verses in the Bible about women, this specific verse has been quoted often as an admirable trait about women.  Your adornment must not be merely external-- braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. - 1 Peter 3:4 I must admit that I did not understand what it meant, until recently. I thought that it meant that a woman must not pay that much importance to her outward appearance, as much as she does to the condition of her heart, as this is precious in the sight of God. This much part is true.  But, I also thought that a " quiet " woman is more preferable than a talkative/outgoing one. This was confusing to me, because if God has created each one of us, with our individual traits, why does the Bible talk about being " quiet "? Maybe, this was my big " A-ha/DUH " m

Daniel has started Kindergarten, and Naomi is getting ready to join preschool this year. It is hard to explain the huge sense of anticipation and nervous excitement one feels when the kids walk into their classrooms.  Part of me wants to rush and take them back home when I see the anxiety in their eyes, and I remind myself that this is just the beginning of a long, sometimes arduous journey in education.  And, then there's this other part of me that wants to joyfully leap in the air, because I get a few hours to myself - to do what I want.   As parents, we feel that overwhelming sense of pride as the kids learn to be independent. As their minds grow to absorb all that is being taught. As they learn that they perhaps are not the center of the universe, like they once imagined. As they take those baby steps away from you - the watchful and sometimes hovering parent. They are out of the safety and security of their nest. But, I would hope that they know that they are

Lately, it seems like few things keep coming back again and again as issues. These are things that I might have pushed under the rug or put on a back burner in my "to-do" list. But, somehow over the years, it has never been done.  Over time, I have paid the price for ignoring these things, but people near and dear to me have probably experienced more consequences of my actions or non-actions. It wouldn't be an over-statement to say that - I'm the queen of procrastination . There are always excuses for why something doesn't get done, especially when it doesn't hit my radar. Procrastination is the bane of my existence. I guess if something is a priority, we find a way to make it happen. If it isn't, we come up with the next best thing - we make excuses and feel bad for ourselves. I'm increasingly finding that this is a sorry way to live. Sometimes, I spend the whole day just rushing around doing things for the kids or managing the home.

No one likes to be judged. Yet, we all judge others.  We form impressions based on how someone looks, dresses, accent, mannerisms, the race, gender and what not. Even before a person has a chance to utter a single word, we have formed an opinion on the other person.  It is not surprising that we do that, since much of our communication tends to be non-verbal. We communicate more to others by the way we listen, move,  react, our body language than the actual words we speak. I'm convinced that judging in itself is not a bad thing. Maybe, the judgement helps us discern right from wrong or make sound decisions. However, it seems like some people are less " judgmental " than other people.  Maybe, they don't let their impressions of others drive them to treat people poorly, give unwarranted opinions, or act pompous and self-righteous.  I'm always bothered when people judge - it makes me want to retreat in my shell and perhaps, do more of what they f

I do not remember the point of my conversion - as in the exact time or place when I accepted God. It wasn't a lightning bulb moment.  I would often hear people talk about how God was working in their lives or how they heard God speak to them. I felt no such thing. when I started praying, most of my prayers would be about wanting God to speak to me and wanting to feel His presence.  God seemed distant and indifferent. In my mind, I thought that if God is true, He loved certain people more than the others. He spoke to these special people more. He made His presence felt in their lives. He gave them more blessings. Almost, like a class teacher who has a bunch of favorite students and overlooks the rest. Few students make the cut, the others don't. I admit that I wouldn't feel the need for God, if things were going perfectly. I started seeking God when problems were staring me right in the face, where I was helpless to the point of desperation. I guess this is true

I find myself stuck in my ways. I do not accept or like change. I have my own self-imposed boundaries, which does not really accomplish anything significant in my life. It is just like a defense mechanism of keeping myself safe - maybe from judgement, negativity or feeling exposed.  Lately, I find that God is slowly pushing me out of my comfort zone. It started when we joined a new church. For some reason, I felt compelled to join the kids ministry. No sooner had I stepped inside the 4-year old kids room, I knew that I had taken on something that was too big for my boots.  I had my doubts whether I would be able to engage these 4 year old kids and interact with adults that I was meeting for the first time. I did not have the cheery/bubbly personality that most of the adults in the room seemed to have.  Slowly, but surely God was teaching me to not make everything about myself. When I learned to let go of my inhibitions, I found that these kids didn't care what I though

It is not uncommon for women to have a a chip on their shoulder. The " chip " is about how women are treated unfairly and don't have the same rights as men. In the Indian community, women are reduced to roles that seem subservient, like sit at home and make hot rotis for her husband, take care of the kids and cater to the in-laws. The man, is the patriarch who runs the household, and seems like a grown up spoilt kid. These views are further cemented when one watches Bollywood movies where the traditional, conservative woman gets the man while the modern, working, independent woman is termed loose and frivolous. So, we have the other group of women - also called feminists, who tell women that the old fashioned view is regressive. That, women have been given the short end of the stick. That, they should be working outside the house and fending for themselves. That, men should do what women typically do like cook, clean, care for the kids etc. In short, for a woman

We love watching animation movies at home.  So, when " Frozen " seemed to be the center of so much attention, I was curious. We even had 4 year old Sunday school girls in our classroom raving about it. Maybe, I'm in the minority of the female crowd when I say this - but I was somewhat disappointed with the movie. I would rather watch Shrek , over this one.  But, as far as princess-type, Disney movies go, Frozen is top-notch. The older princess has magical powers, which turns anything she touches to ice. These magical powers cause so much fear in her heart, that she goes into hiding. To conceal the power she has and to protect her loved ones. Her younger sister, however longs for her to be part of her life.  Long story short - Elsa, the older sister accidentally freezes a part of the younger sister, Anna's heart. This would eventually cause Anna to die. The movie ends with how only "Love can thaw a frozen heart" . Love restores the frozen

There was a quote that someone posted on Facebook about sisters and friends that said - " Only a sister can be a best friend and keep all your secrets ". Maybe, this is an indication that I'm spending too much time reading crap on Facebook, but whatever it is, it got me thinking. I'm thankful for everything my sister or a friend does for me, but the last thing I need from them is to keep my " secrets ."  I would rather have a sister who wouldn't hesitate to give me a kick in the butt, if I needed it (And, thankfully, she does just that!). I would rather have a friend who has my best interests at heart. Someone who does not try hard to be liked or be popular or appear open minded to my bad choices. I would rather have them fight for me instead of watching passively and guarding my "secrets". Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

Every year, some Christians observe a season of Lent , which is a period of 40 days before Easter. Typically, Lent is a time when many Christians prepare for Easter by observing a period of fasting, prayer and repentance.  Over the past few years, I have given up on food that I typically crave or enjoy during the Lenten season. I thought that in doing so, I was giving something back to God or telling Him that His death mattered to me. Of late, I question my intent.  I've heard a preacher mention that fasting in itself, without taking any time for inward spiritual reflection or prayer doesn't really mean anything. It is just a glorified form of dieting. I couldn't help thinking that this was true. At the end of 40 days, I would often feel a sense of accomplishment and then give myself a reason to pig out on all the things that I felt deprived of.  I couldn't say that I felt any different during this time. I couldn't say that my life had changed. I co

Recently, I read an article that spoke about how a teen was planning on suing her parents because they did not want to pay for her college education. She was a straight "A" student, and she thought that it was her right that her parents should finance her education.  I'm all about encouraging kids to study and paying for their education as much as possible. I thought the whole suing part was a joke. But, it wasn't. The first thing that popped in my head when I read it was that she was one "entitled" kid. False sense of entitlement is defined as the right to something you did not earn. As a parent, we dread raising entitled kids. But, we live in a culture where what we dread happens. One of the most prevalent mindset is, “ The more you give your child, the better parent you are . ” So it’s easy for us as parents to feel obligated to give to our children — and pretty soon, they will grow to expect it.  The kids then live with a totally false s

Those days are far too easy to ignore. I could pretend that I didn't feel the tightening of my muscles in anger. That, my blood doesn't boil with frustration at those random day to day things.  I find myself having to repeat the same things to the kids. But, they tune me out. I can push guilt and conviction under a pretty rug. So, that is what I do. I don't want to take the time to deal with myself or anyone. I don't want my pride crushed and I don't want to be humbled again. I want to be a mom and a wife that has it all figured out. That doesn't need to work hard to be awesome.  I want to ignore the help and grace that can change me. I want to do it on my own. And, then I break. I can only run for so long.  My son's deep black eyes look at me and tell me - " It's okay, Mommy. You are having a bad day ". And, then he tells his Daddy that he is cleaning the bath tub, so Mommy doesn't have to do it. And, after losing my t

We just found out that someone at my husband's place of work lost their two year old child. He passed away in his sleep, with no serious illness, recovering from a high fever. And, just like that, a life is gone. The finality of death.  Death is chilling and humbling. Our life troubles seems trivial when one is faced with something of this magnitude. We can come up with our silly little explanations of why death happens or try and protect our children. But, yet - there is nothing in our human capacity that would control life. I don't want Christians to say things like " The Prince of Peace will give them peace " or that " Let us be willing to humbly accept God's will ". How sad that we don't walk in these parent's shoes but are willing to offer our rational explanations and our empty and meaningless words.  I can't help but question the wisdom of God's plan. I don't understand death. I don't want to experienc

We were part of a fellowship meeting a few weeks ago, and someone asked me what I liked about my husband. My immediate response was to say that he was an honest person. It is true. That is probably the first thing that I noticed about him. He told me everything about his life, even the parts that I didn't want to know. There is something about honesty which makes it a very attractive trait. At the heart of it, it says I can trust this person. This person does not let me down. This person does not play or manipulate me. This person is not deceitful, and has got my back. My sister is another one of those very honest people. I can trust her with my life, because I have never known her to tell a lie. I feel blessed to have honest people in my life. I have wondered if I'm as honest as I would like to be. There are occasions when I lie. Sometimes, to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. Sometimes, to cover up something. Sometimes, because the random lie makes me look