Small talk

Whenever a group of people get together, sooner or later the conversation shifts to other people. Other people's lives, their choices, what they did or said or so on. 

This kind of talk is usually harmless. Friendship is built based on this kind of small talk. Things like common interests, mutual likes or dislikes. Cliques are also formed this way. Unfortunately, this kind of talk is not always edifying nor useful. 

Sometimes, it is downright harmful. We slander or gossip about people without a second thought on how it potentially ruins a person's reputation by spreading meaningless junk. Slander affects how a person is treated not just by the person who is saying it, but also by all those who hear it. Gossip is responsible for damaging relationships and breaking trust. Yet, this is neither acknowledged nor viewed that way.

We all need to process things. This kind of processing sometimes involves saying negative things about other people but this is not the same as gossip because at the "heart" of this kind of processing, we don't put someone down or look down on them.

For a long time, I assumed only women who have nothing better to do, sit around and gossip. This is certainly not the case. Men gossip just as much and as efficiently as women do. Gossip is an issue of the human heart. 

Many a times, we gossip because it makes us feel better about ourselves when we see how much others "suck". Sometimes, we project our own insecurities on other people. Sometimes, we want to "pray", a.k.a. discuss someone else's personal information with random folks.

In reality, we rarely have accurate information about anyone. Our talk is based on half-baked assumptions and bias. 

Sometimes, we gossip because we think it is true. Even if it were true, it would be much better to talk to the person directly and see if the negative thought process or issue would resolve itself.

Sometimes, we gossip because we need to vent. Or, the thoughts just fester in our mind. In such cases, there should be an understanding that this is just ‘venting’ and is to be taken with a grain or truckload of salt.

I don't consider myself a "heavy" gossiper but I'm a "passive listener", which is equally bad. 

Listening to someone spout harmful misinformation and not feeling the need to defend or say something to negate it or express that you don't agree with what is being said, is as bad as agreeing with the gossip. 

We are responsible for what we don't say, as much as we are for the things we say.

I have tried to disagree with something that is said a few times, but I have witnessed the conversation sizzle out. 

You get this feeling of being excluded, as if you have to act a certain way to fit in or belong. You wonder if you are over-reacting and if you are offending people by being abrasive. So, you continue playing these kind of games. 

What a terrible waste of time and a terrible way to live our lives. Few friendships would survive if each one knew what his friend says of him behind his back.

"Misery loves good company, so if we are surrounded by drama, gossip and fools, we may want to consider that we are presently at risk of becoming one of them. It is a sign of perverse and treacherous disposition to wound the good name of another, when he has no opportunity of defending himself."