The paradox of Forgiveness

 “We see life as unfair and ourselves as its victims. We focus on the offenses others have done against us. And we fail to realize all these offenses pale in comparison to our own offenses against God, who not only forgives us, but both requires and enables us to forgive others and move forward free from the past. We should forgive as God forgave us, not once but many times.”

This is the heart of God's forgiveness message. I wonder sometimes, what this means for victims. For people who are at the receiving end of others' sins. People dealing with years of trauma, abuse, neglect or betrayal. We all sin and fall short in many different ways, but forgiveness is more complex than that.

The offenses that are done against us are wrong, simply because they are like our own offenses — wrong because they are done against God. To imply that our pain is not real or valid because we ourselves have done wrong, would be to negate the entire human race and the wrongs we inflict on each other. The offenses of others do not “pale in comparison” for they are exactly the same  — they are sin. Sin hurts, sin maims, sin destroys.

Scripture describes forgiveness as letting go of a debt, and letting God cover us with his righteousness. However, trust and reconciliation is not always granted. 

There is a difference between those who sin in ignorance, and the wolves whose intention and motive is to harm another. This is usually with a blatant disregard for the hurt caused to other people, lack of remorse and unwillingness to change.

If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left. How much more severely do you think someone deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified them, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? - Hebrews 10:26-28

This chapter from the New Testament is a stark reminder to treat God's grace with reverence. Our actions not only affect our own lives but also land heavily on others, sometimes destroying individuals and families. If our testimony is that superficial, perhaps we have never understood God's grace.

Forgiveness does not mean a lack of accountability. 

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. - Hebrews 4:13

We can disarm a misuse of forgiveness by properly understanding reconciliation. Reconciliation is not to be used as a means to stir the victim’s conscience and silence him or her. The proper response to injustice is repentance.

God does not coerce the vulnerable. Instead, he promises to defend them and heal them. The church must bear witness to that good news, so that forgiveness is not used to cover up sin.

Forgiveness is seeing offenders as God sees them. All of us act out of our own hurt and dysfunction, yet we are image-bearers of God, in need of grace. 

“Until we have seen someone's darkness, we don't really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone's darkness, we don't really know what love is.” ― Marianne Williamson