Random musings

Lately, I have been thinking that people have been in our lives for a reason , season or a lifetime . Typically, most folks fall in the first two categories. The " lifetime " people are maybe family and a few people here and there.  When Dev taught Sunday school, many of those kids were a huge part of our lives. Dev was heavily invested in them and cared for them, way more than a typical teacher. Gradually, he drifted away from what he used to do and these kids grew up and became adults and moved on with their lives.  Someone once told us that when you invest in these Sunday School kids, they will grow up and be there for your kids. I think this is mostly untrue. These young adults barely even know that my kids exist, let alone being involved in their lives.  Also, this is an unfair burden and expectation to place on them. Firstly, they are trying to figure out their own lives. They don't really have the headspace or inclination to be involved in someone else's kids...

CS Lewis in one of his books describes " Joy as the serious business of heaven ". Yet, a typical Christian is anything but joyful. There is always this sense of gloom and worry hanging over our shoulders.  We rarely encourage any outward expression of joy in an Indian church service. Mega churches are at the other extreme, where there is almost too much of everything and noise, and then that may be interpreted as joy. There is a solemness, almost insipid way of doing things in a traditional church. Maybe it's just me, but sometimes it feels like going through the motions. Not only do grown ups act this way, kids are expected to do the same.  Kids must be obedient to their parents, the elders and follow all the rules of the church. They must sit in one place, not move or talk or do anything to distract from the church proceedings.  Sometimes, I wonder if we teach our kids to go through the motions as well. It's like we teach them that the church experience is devoid of...

  We spend a great deal of our life doing work. Not just work, as in a job but work as in our day to day tasks or to-dos. Especially, as an adult, the things that constitute as work grow exponentially. In a family, there are tasks that a husband does and things a wife does. It differs greatly in each family. Ideally, each individual can do things that they are good at, so it doesn't seem like such a burden. In some families, where the man has a patriarchal mindset, he may consider kitchen duties like cooking or cleaning beneath his dignity. The same can be true for a wife - when she views kitchen duties as inferior. So, there is this struggle and imbalance of power. I enjoy cooking. I grew up in a family where both my parents cooked and were good at it. It is also common in Bombay for neighbors and friends to cook and share tasty treats and recipes with each other.  It's hard to explain this to people who might see me cooking and think I'm slogging away in the kitchen. This...

We are reaching the end of this weird and eventful year. The tree is up, decorations are out but the festive cheer is absent. 2020 has been a trial for many of us. Some of us have lost loved ones, spent days in the hospital, relationships have fallen apart - friends, loved ones have suffered.   We spent the first part of this year planning our big vacation after 4 years of waiting to visit India. I thought we would visit Papa and spend time in Singapore as well. Instead, all our plans were disrupted and we had to cancel our trip. Papa had very little help during the pandemic. He managed his day to day activities, without the luxury of having his kids nearby, or the option to stay at home and be safe. By God's grace, he stays resilient. We saw this kind of resilience all through the lockdowns and social distancing. Doctors, nurses, healthcare, postal, transportation, sanitation, grocery, essential workers. Many of these workers did their jobs with grace and fortitude.  We ...

Why do Malayalees always want to add extra characters to a person's name? Anita is not ANITHA. This is totally cringeworthy!  I would much rather be called Ani or Annie.  As if, having multiple kids with matching names like Messy, Busy and Jessy wasn't enough, we also change the spellings randomly. Also, you don't get to call people Uncle and Aunty if they are the same generation as you. If you don't have a real Aunty or Uncle that age, you don't get to have an imaginary Uncle and Aunty. Calling people Uncle and Aunty when they are not old enough to be your Uncle and Aunty is not respectful, it's just lazy. I remember the look of horror on my poor Mummy's face when a lady 2 years younger than her called her Aunty. My sweet Mummy was nice enough to just smile and respond. When in doubt, stick to Chechi, Chachan or Amamma. To break this down, look for an age difference of 15 years and above before calling someone an Uncle or Aunty. I used to think that only AB...

We all experience loneliness in varying degrees. Most adults will admit to feeling lonely, sometimes even when surrounded by people, acquaintances or friends. While it is fairly easily to connect through social media, hosting get togethers and parties, it is hard to truly form a genuine connection. Though I’m not the most social person, I am still in contact with my childhood friends from India. My parents would occasionally interact with my friends’ parents but it never occurred to them to interfere with kids’ friendships. This in in stark contrast with the playdate culture we have in America. Here, the kids friendships' depend on the parents’ dynamics. The kids don't even have the luxury of resolving their own conflicts because parents will most likely micromanage that too.  This added to the insular culture in America. Friendships, when they happen can seem superficial. I would count myself fortunate even if I have a few friends who genuinely care about my kids. People who t...

To say that 2020 has been crazy is an understatement. It started off with a virus that brought the world to a standstill.  For all our human intelligence and science and medicine or vaccines or whatever else we have to offer -  we stood powerless when confronted with something unknown and of this magnitude. The best we could do was to stay home and wait for this thing to pass, while the scientists and world leaders try and figure this out. When the vision is 20-20, one can see clearly. I wonder if the year 2020 also means that we should start seeing more clearly or at least try. As if the virus wasn't enough, the disregard for human life and dignity whether this is based on race or color of skin or country of origin or legal status.  People treated poorly, their voices unheard, their issues pushed aside as insignificant. We are now aware of this, because information is freely available, via technology (though many do not see value in technology). An avera...